What She Must Be…If She Wants To Marry My Son

The other day, I started thinking What She Must Be: Coastal Conservatoryabout the type of wife I’d like my son to have. How horrid it would be if he ended up married to a miserable, complaining, nag! What loving mother would ever want to even imagine her dear son in such an awful position for the rest of his life? The mere thought makes me shudder!

So, I started thinking about the qualities I would like in a wife and lifetime partner for my son.


1. She doesn’t try to win every argument


Does she always think she is right? Does she always need to have the last word? This is not the kind of wife I want my son to have. She must seek understanding, rather than becoming constantly disagreeable or unsympathetic. She must be his ally, not his adversary.

This means she must also encourage and build him up, trusting his decisions rather than nagging or hen-pecking him.


2. She shows humility by being willing to listen and admit her failings


Does she admit when she is wrong, or does she become defensive or go on the attack when confronted? In her quest to becoming perfect like Christ, she must realize in the meantime that she will make mistakes, and be humble enough not to see herself beyond correction, or as always being right.


3. She only speaks well of him to others


Will she complain about his faults to friends or family to get sympathy? Or will she always speak well of him to others? She must show others that her husband is worthy of respect. What a humiliation it is to man to have a wife who so easily speaks ill of him to others. Who would respect a man whom is not respected by his own wife? This is NOT what I want for my son!


4. She is willing to quickly forgive and forget


Does she make a habit of holding grudges? Is she willing to forget, or does she hold past wrongs over his head, or use them as leverage? This is not how a godly wife should act. She must seek to have the compassion and mercy of Christ. The building up of bitterness can destroy a marriage. She must be willing to quickly forgive and forget past failures on the part of her husband.


5. She smiles, and shows joy and contentment in life


The beauty of a pleasant countenance goes a long way, and greatly affects the environment of the home. I do not desire for my son to have to suffer with a woman who makes the home ugly through an unattractive frown, or the self-pitying attitude of being a “martyr.” She must be pleasant, positive, and smile!

Someone who frequently complains or shows dissatisfaction with life is very difficult to live with. It is unbecoming, and is not part of living within the kingdom of God where we are to “consider it all joy” when we encounter various trials (James 1:2). She must be joyful and content with her life, no matter the circumstances.


6. She lives within her means


Does she always wish for more, or buy things she can’t afford? Such hapless spending or discontentment can  cause many problems within a marriage. A wife for my son must live within her means, and trust Christ for her needs.


7. She shows pleasure and happiness in children


Does she show how much she enjoys and loves children? Or does she let everyone know what hard work they are? Does she truly believe that children are a blessing? Or do her words and actions show that she actually finds them to be a burden? There are few things more disturbing or heart-wrenching than mothers who despise their own children.


8. She is diligent


Does she make the most of the day, or does she waste time with frivolous entertainment and activities?  As Proverbs 31: 27 and 31 say, “She looks well to the ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness…Give her the product of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates.”


9. She  shows gratitude and is thankful for home and family


Contentment, joy, and peace all start with gratitude. Does she display her gratitude to God and thankfulness for her family? Or does she constantly complain about her family to others? For a home to be content, joyful, and peaceful, the woman at the center of it must be grateful.


10. She loves God


Proverbs 31: 30, “Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.”

In order for a woman to possibly become what is described in this post, she must love God, and be His disciple. She must seek to love and do good for her neighbors, rather than be full of bitterness toward them.

If she loves and seeks after the Lord, she can become the kind of woman who can marry my son.


A Startling Revelation


After thinking through all the qualities I’d like in my son’s future wife, a revelation hit me like a ton of bricks: Am I the type of wife that I’d want for my son?

Are you the type of wife you’d want your son to have?

If not, we’d better start changing now, because before he was  our husband, he was first  the dear son a mother who loved and cared about him as much as we do our own son.



(Photo used with permission from Boyer Family Singers)

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  1. That is a very good point that our husbands are someone’s son (and for them, we are someone’s daughter!) We should be making an effort to treat them as we would want our children treated in their marriages. Not only is that the right thing to do, it sets the right example for our children when they become someone’s spouse.

  2. What an amazing post! Such an encouragement! What better way to practice these attributes while single than to live these out in her home toward her parents and siblings! Thank you for this post! Made me aware of things I need to work on!

  3. What a thoughtful post! I love the way you turned it around at the end. Ultimately we must be an example not only of the type of person we want our children to be, but the types of people they will seek relationships with in the future.

    Thank you for sharing with us at #MommyMeetupMondays!

  4. Yes, so true! It’s easy to think about how we want others to behave toward our loved ones… but harder to see when some of our own behavior doesn’t measure up. Thanks for the reminder! Our husbands (and our marriages) should be just as precious to us as our children.

  5. Wow-Wow-Wow.
    I love this. My Son is newly engaged and I am praising the Lord from whom all blessings flow that she is His chosen helpmate for my guy. These very special words you speak are truth and brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for this reminder today.

    The How-to Guru

  6. So great! Wise wise wise reflection right here. Stopping by from The Quinntessential Meetup party. Consider yourself invited to visit right back 🙂

  7. My in-laws were very quick to judge me and never really took the time to get to know me. I wish they had because then their opinion of me would be completely different. While I think your list is great, I have learned from my own experience that what you see may not be what you’re getting. I love what you said about being the type of person I want my son to marry. If my sons do choose to get married, whoever they end up with, I hope that they are happy and that I am not the mother-in-law to them that mine is to me. What a thought-provoking post. Thanks for linking up at #MommyMeetUpMondays.

  8. I love this post so much! I’ve had this thought before, what I want from my kids (only the best) and if I model that for them? So well written! Thanks for linking up at Favorite things Friday! Hope to see you again this week!

  9. Great post! Very good!

  10. Love this post! It’s incredibly eye-opening and something I need to work on. Yikes. Thanks for this perspective and for sharing & linking up to Favorite Things Friday with Simply Rachel & Hip Homeschooling!

  11. Yes! Such a concept…to be what we want others to be as well. To live it, to let it shine from us. Thank you for linking up with #SmallVictoriesSundayLinkup 6/21/15

  12. Thank you for your insights. This article is going to encourage me to reflect on what kind of wife I am to my husband.

  13. Great thoughts! …and just how old is your son?…lol.

    • LOL…I’ve got 4 of them…what age do you need? 😉

      • For starters…lol. I see that my 31 year old is to old. I do have a 28 year old son, 26 year old son and 23 year old daughter(tomorrow) who fits the category you wrote about beautifully..rofl. The last two aren’t quite ready yet but maybe in a couple years…lol.

  14. Haha, I had a feeling that particular revelation at the end was coming! 🙂 The Lord has used that thought to reign me in a few times, too – would I want my son’s wife to act this way? As the mama of 3 boys, who they will marry is certainly on my mind!Thanks for sharing with us at Grace and Truth last week!
    Jen @ Being Confident of This

  15. I think I’d like to next see a post about how the man should be in a marriage as well. What we should expect for our daughters.

    • Hi Jessica,
      There is a book by Vaudie Baucham called “What he must be…if he wants to marry my daughter.” I just recently came across it and was looking for one that outlines to expect for our sons!

  16. Great article! Just came across Voddie Baucham’s book “What He must Be … if he wants to marry my daughter” so I went on a search for a similar one for women – the exact title of this article 🙂 I’m wondering if this is a precursor to a book or something to follow (or if you know if one already exists)! All of the points are so great and topics in themselves!


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